college.

this all might drive me crazy. i've been freaking out about going away, being somewhere im not familiar with and nobody im close with being there with me. Shippensburg and East Stroudsburg are great schools but i just don't want to go. I've decided that, if possible, i'm going to try to still apply to temple, and if that doesn't work (which it most likely won't) i'm going to figure it all out so i can just go to montco for a semester, then transfer to temple. I'm hoping with everything i have that this will work out really really soon...


if anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated :)

I don't really

care anymore.

and if you think i'm talking about you,
well you're probably right.






18 soon.. greatt.

I HATE CARS.
I HATE DRIVING.
all i can say is thank god mike was there with me but didnt get hurttt
and thank goddddd mom wasn't in gorgia, i would have been 10239578235x's more of a wreck than i already was.


&this is random, but i may not not have many people in my life that truely care about me, but the very few that do, well i wouldn't trade them for the world<3

i've been thinkingg.

Life is life. It's not going to be amazing 100% of the time. We go through tough times to GET through them. I don't really know what i'm getting at, but if things never got bad, we wouldn't have much to look forward to, or strive for. I'm trying really hard to see the positive side to everything. Because, honestly, lately i've been touchy as hell. Ask anyone who has to be around me. Every day there's something new that makes me want to rip apart the next thing i lay my eyes on, even the smallest of issues. It's ridiculous, and if i keep it up, I really think im going to need medication haha. But really, i need to chill, take some time and BREATHEEE, see mikeyy way moree, and spend some good timee with my girls. It's my senior year, and I don't want to regret anything. Things will start looking up.


& Mike, I know we've been fighting what seems like each day, and i know i've been crying over alot of little things lately, but I know we can get through everything and anything.. especially pointless arguments. I love you to deathh babe, and nothing can change that.
And like you said, I'd rather be fighting with you and working things out everyday, than not be with you at all.

ahhhh.

IT'S DECEMBERRRR! =)
which is great because well, christmas, and bad because my graduation project has to be presented when we get back from break =/

balls.

I have never

been so happy with my life.


Happy 4 months baby, i love you more than anything in the world<3

Happiness.

It grows to a point.
A point where the fear of losing it all
is almost as strong as the feeling itself.

It's about time

My heart has never felt as alive as it does these days. Lately I keep seeing more and more how in love I am with you. Nobody has ever made me feel like this. When I'm with you, nothing else in the world matters, nobody else matters, just us. Every time we're together, all i do is laugh. I can't help but think about how lucky I am to have such an incredible person in my life. Everyday you show me how much you care about me in everything that you do, in so much more than words. I couldn't ask for more; you're all I need. I can't predict the future, so i don't know where this is going. All i know is that, wherever you go, I want to be by your side.

where are you?

Because you're obviously not here.
Or anywhere when you're needed, as a matter of fact.

thanks, really, thanks.

Everything

feels weird right now
i don't know what it is
something's not right
this isn't normal.

The Truth.

so why are we acting like i'm the one to blame for the distance when we all know pretty well that you barely ever answer me when it actually matters. i recall a time where im pretty sure i was being avoided or something of the sort but i dont even care.

listen i miss you, i really do. i miss the way things used to be, i miss our long drives to mostly nowhere, our mix cd's, our boyfriends hanging out until we could get out of whatever we were doing.. yeah. and im sorry we barely see each other now but things are absolutely crazy with applying to school, trying to keep my job and keep my mom from hating me and tearing my head off for the dumbest things. i feel like the only person i see anymore is mike, and i only see him once a week, twice if im lucky. and i have horrible luck. you and kenny see each other alot, and im not going to blame me never seeing you or you not answering me when i try to call or text you to hang out on you being with him cause i don't even know when you see him and he makes you soo happy so i wouldn't care anyway. i think it's about time i be really honest.

Honestly, there was a time, or a few times, where you kind of made me feel dumb, unimportant, annoying, like a whore.. but i didn't even want to bring it up i just deal with it because i'm used to it. all of my friends at one point have began treating me like i just don't matter. it's to a point where i'm convinced.. I DON'T MATTER. i never feel like im good enough for anything anyway, but when it to comes to friends i just get screwed. i've spent more time crying in the past month than i have in an entire year. and there was a point in time where you were just kinda mean to me. not normal AT ALL. i hated it and it made me feel shitty but i don't know, i just dealt with it, i figured maybe you were just upset and taking it out on me. but im not the only one who saw it. there was even that time when ryan thought i cheated on him.. eventually i was told that it was you who told mel that i guess and she told ry. i cried a hell of a lot after i heard that because i didnt know what to believe, and i didnt want to confront you about it because i was afraid to ruin our friendship. but considering how much you hated him, and how much i never understood why you hated him so much, and how you tried to tell me he was probably trying to get with other girls while we were going out and that he was trying to get with mel while we were going out.. i didn't know who to believe.

i'm not saying it's a big deal or that i love you any less, because i don't. i still love you a whole lot and i'd rather spend more time with the four of us than anyone, like we used to. i don't know exactly how you'll take this but you need to understand that this is hard for me.
when it comes to close friends, i have a really hard time letting out my feelings that might hurt them, because i'd rather just bury the pain than hurt a friend, or even worse, lose them.

i love you, please try to understand this and not hate me.

cuuuuuutee.

LO
VE

you are.

i wish you would see it. you mean the world to me, and seeing you down makes my heart and my stomach feel horrible. i love you, you are the reason i smile. i'm not going anywhere, and we're not going anywhere without eachother.
I have to go think about ducks with muffins and mittens and dr pepper and kisses and good stuff, so goodnight<3

Right now...

Time is flying.

Everything began at once. All of the sudden I have practice from 6-9 mondays and thursdays, wednesdays i sing with coop then work 5-11, fridays i have games, and i work saturday and sunday. Tuesday is my only free day, but pretty soon me and coop will be singing/playing at tonellis, maybe somewhere else. And not to mention school, ugh, I really need to start applying to colleges. i might go insane.

Oh and, i really hate Hanna Montana.

True story.

I went to P.F. Chang's last night. This was the fortune in my cookie.

And i must say, perfect timing :)

"Adopted"

Mike and I went to the spca the other day to play with the kittens =)

I fell in love with almost all of them, but they're all adopted.

So Long Sweet Summer

Countdown to senior year: 8 days. That's terrifying, but exciting i guess. I'm not too sure how i feel about all this. It's been an amazing summer, definitely one of the best. Spent all of my time with my best friend and the most amazing boy alive. And a certain someone has made my best friend very happy. It's about time, damnit.

I've recently received the best oppurtunity imaginable right now... to be a UCA cheerleader/instructor. I know anyone who knows me and spends time with me probably hears me say i hate cheerleading and that i probably won't follow through with it in college, but we all know it's been my life for, what, 13 years now? I've never really felt as though all my hard work in the sport has paid off, until now. Out of about 800 girls, about 10 were chosen to recieve reccomendations, and i was one them. That means ALOT to me. Kristen was chosen, too. We've cheered together since we were about 4. We were so happy we cried until we were pretty much unable to breathe, haha.

Anyway, the point of this is, this summer is one i will never forget.

The good times aren't quite over =)